是 . 非. 是 . 非.
活在是非之中的人，遊走於對與錯中間。
或是或非， 撲朔迷離,
誰可認清當中的
人與事， 物與情。
About Me
Fight the good fight
All my rep life I have never fought for myself. Either I'm lucky, or my Team Leader had fought for me behind the scene. However, for the longest while she's on leave, I felt like there seems to be a spotlight on me, out from nowhere.
I've always thought this is what it's supposed to be, but later I found this may not always be the case, when it comes to... me having to fight for my people. I have no idea how to fight.
Many nights, I went home feeling regretful - why didn't I fight a little bit harder; why didn't I do this; why couldn't I say that; why was I fearful; and what was I expecting... To the extent that I love them and care about them, I blamed myself of not being a good enough leader for them. I wanted them to be recognized without having to fight, yet again my hope failed.
Maybe I really wasn't a good enough leader. Yet at all cost I still want to be able to grow people, develop sounding minds, not machines that crushes number, but real leaders with a vision.
At Your feet, I offer this team, take them on please, even better than how you've led me.
Home Sweet Home
The TV was playing a show about the homeless. Heavily I felt my heart sank. Men without homes, men without love, men without dignity. But our government failed to save. Money can't save, Orgs can't save, even churches can't save. Our city is in desperation. The people needs no finance, no volunteers, no media nor one-off visits. Our city needs - TRANSFORMATION.
Yet what can WE say, and what can WE do. When the rich is getting richer, and the poor getting poorer; the rich can't find peace at home, and the poor can't find a place called home. Please then look up to the sky, do not give up your Hope - say to yourself, this is not the end. Pray to the Father who loves, pray to the Savior who gives, and pray to the Spirit who is merciful. The heavenly gate is open, the heavenly homes are reserved, for the men whom He loves. We need no skyscrapers, we need no luxury houses, the sweetest homes are found in the presence of Peace. PUSH- Pray Until Something Happen.
Yet what can WE say, and what can WE do. When the rich is getting richer, and the poor getting poorer; the rich can't find peace at home, and the poor can't find a place called home. Please then look up to the sky, do not give up your Hope - say to yourself, this is not the end. Pray to the Father who loves, pray to the Savior who gives, and pray to the Spirit who is merciful. The heavenly gate is open, the heavenly homes are reserved, for the men whom He loves. We need no skyscrapers, we need no luxury houses, the sweetest homes are found in the presence of Peace. PUSH- Pray Until Something Happen.
Yau Ma Tei, 2010"
Calling VS Walking
Calling and Walking are the two sides of a balance.
Calling is the intention of God for you, while Walking is the response from you.
For the past 6 months I've been struggling to walk in my calling... finding myself helplessly weak in my daily work, barely surviving in the water, I couldn't imagine what it's like to walk ON water. And it seems to me - my calling itself (my work) is pulling me down. WHY?
This message shed light to my situation, brought to me a sudden realization. I thought being called is all I need, but the intention to walk with God is the next step I missed. I failed, because I took the calling, and tried to walk it on my own. Now would you help me give the calling back to you, God...
Calling is the intention of God for you, while Walking is the response from you.
For the past 6 months I've been struggling to walk in my calling... finding myself helplessly weak in my daily work, barely surviving in the water, I couldn't imagine what it's like to walk ON water. And it seems to me - my calling itself (my work) is pulling me down. WHY?
This message shed light to my situation, brought to me a sudden realization. I thought being called is all I need, but the intention to walk with God is the next step I missed. I failed, because I took the calling, and tried to walk it on my own. Now would you help me give the calling back to you, God...
Photo Credit: Colin Harris
Give the calling back to the God who's called you.
Hold onto the calling not, hold onto the Almighty God.
Under Your Smile, Look Back Not
Sometimes we repeatedly do the same thing, because we have experienced God that way, and we did it again and hope God react the way we expected. BUT God is more creative than we are. We limit ourselves with our past experiences, we live by our own strength, we tried to take the lead. ALL FAILED. Because he's a god who do new things.
Same place, same people, maybe same heart, maybe not.
Matter not, yet, time has passed, life changed, life went on.
Look around, look up, look forward, but DON'T LOOK BACK.
The best is yet to come.
"Could I sit for a while under Your smile and not say a word
‘Cause the cry of my heart is to be set apart and I know You’ve heard
I don’t want to be anywhere else but by Your side
I don’t want to be anything less than pure in Your eyes..."
-Merchant Band
2011-> 2012
2011 hasn't been a good year for me. A lot has happened to my closest friends. People around me all went through tough times, yet I wasn't able to help them a bit, coz myself was also barely surviving.
Someone asked me about my achievement in 2012. I'd definitely say becoming a TL in 2011 is my achievement. I'm not talking about career sense, but to choose to walk this path with Jesus was the achievement that I've made. I still remember crying to God, thinking I don't have what it takes, and too fearful or going out of my comfort zone. But the decision to follow Jesus, and give him my hands, I've experienced his guidance once again. Yet 'WORK' itself somehow became my another burden. My calling, turned into my burden, which was also the thing that dragged me down.
2011, I was also about to give up something that I've been praying for years. Yet someone spoke to me with affirmation. At this point of time, I really don't know what I should do. Unwillingly I'm bringing this frustration into 2012, but I pressed on praying for the revelation of your heart, Lord.
2012, still a lot more to come. Speak to me, before I say any more.
Someone asked me about my achievement in 2012. I'd definitely say becoming a TL in 2011 is my achievement. I'm not talking about career sense, but to choose to walk this path with Jesus was the achievement that I've made. I still remember crying to God, thinking I don't have what it takes, and too fearful or going out of my comfort zone. But the decision to follow Jesus, and give him my hands, I've experienced his guidance once again. Yet 'WORK' itself somehow became my another burden. My calling, turned into my burden, which was also the thing that dragged me down.
2011, I was also about to give up something that I've been praying for years. Yet someone spoke to me with affirmation. At this point of time, I really don't know what I should do. Unwillingly I'm bringing this frustration into 2012, but I pressed on praying for the revelation of your heart, Lord.
2012, still a lot more to come. Speak to me, before I say any more.
Almost but not yet...
Faith is trust in the Lord, Though my eyes cannot see.
Put my trust in the Cross, Know my life is in Him...
I stil remember in the beginning of the year, when I first started to plan my career to be a Team Leader, everything felt so far away and remote. No matter how many times I was told, "There will be opportunities and you definitely have the potential....blahblahblah" It just seemed like something "Good to try, but not a must" to me.
Not until when Angel got pregnant, and that I had to play the Deputy role, I then got a little taste of what a Team Leader does - hm yea, not bad.
June - mid year, however, this was exactly what I wrote in my journal :
"After all these summit, Business plans, meetings with managers, trainings... I started to doubt whether I still like all these work. It's a bit tiring. But coming to a point - Ven, are you doing this all for yourself? And why would I want to be one?
-> Motivate people,
help develop a person's career
look into people's need, strength, weakness
able to accept that, and speak with love.
*IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE* "
So I held on, and unto what I believe. I told you I didn't have the passion, You gave me the passion; I told you I didn't have the intelligence, You shed light in every single decision that I made; I told You I didn't know where to go, You guided me in every single step that I took...
And now we finally get there, almost. Fear has overwhelmed me that I have lost the confidence to walk on. Caring too much about what people think has always hindered me from doing the right thing. And Angel use to be my go-to person, my confirmation. Now the fact that she's leaving forces me to be on my own. Do I have what it takes? I honestly don't know. But Lord, could you be THE MENTOR that I need, and bring me beyond?
Put my trust in the Cross, Know my life is in Him...
I stil remember in the beginning of the year, when I first started to plan my career to be a Team Leader, everything felt so far away and remote. No matter how many times I was told, "There will be opportunities and you definitely have the potential....blahblahblah" It just seemed like something "Good to try, but not a must" to me.
Not until when Angel got pregnant, and that I had to play the Deputy role, I then got a little taste of what a Team Leader does - hm yea, not bad.
June - mid year, however, this was exactly what I wrote in my journal :
"After all these summit, Business plans, meetings with managers, trainings... I started to doubt whether I still like all these work. It's a bit tiring. But coming to a point - Ven, are you doing this all for yourself? And why would I want to be one?
-> Motivate people,
help develop a person's career
look into people's need, strength, weakness
able to accept that, and speak with love.
*IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE* "
So I held on, and unto what I believe. I told you I didn't have the passion, You gave me the passion; I told you I didn't have the intelligence, You shed light in every single decision that I made; I told You I didn't know where to go, You guided me in every single step that I took...
And now we finally get there, almost. Fear has overwhelmed me that I have lost the confidence to walk on. Caring too much about what people think has always hindered me from doing the right thing. And Angel use to be my go-to person, my confirmation. Now the fact that she's leaving forces me to be on my own. Do I have what it takes? I honestly don't know. But Lord, could you be THE MENTOR that I need, and bring me beyond?
TFC - The Father's Church
The Church I want isn't built upon the World,
The Church I want goes into the World.
When my people get humble, when they fall on their knees,
My church will then be built.
The Church I want is the Word and Power church,
The Church I want has no walls around.
It's not you who have loved me, It's not what you have done,
I love, because I am love.
I am One God, and I am the only one.
I want one church, I want you to be ONE.
If in unity we sing, with one heart one mind one soul,
together we give praises to our King.
In unity we pray that Your love and peace remains,
Revival shall begin right here right now.
The Church I want goes into the World.
When my people get humble, when they fall on their knees,
My church will then be built.
The Church I want is the Word and Power church,
The Church I want has no walls around.
It's not you who have loved me, It's not what you have done,
I love, because I am love.
I am One God, and I am the only one.
I want one church, I want you to be ONE.
If in unity we sing, with one heart one mind one soul,
together we give praises to our King.
In unity we pray that Your love and peace remains,
Revival shall begin right here right now.
Who's the Leader?
The best ever leader in the world was here 2000 years ago. People followed him because they LIKED him. He handles objection in a perfect manner, but never let go of the truth.
He had the authority and power, yet he chose to be the humble and poor, so that he could feel the way that we do. He cares not about what people think about him, because that doesn't affect what he's going to do.
==========================================
One of my most fave quotes:
"Those who care doesn't matter, while those who matter doesn't care."
==========================================
If this is the standard of what a LEADER should be, you've set the bar really high, Jesus. But I'd rather follow through, closely and tightly, than to work hard to meet anyone else's expectations.
He had the authority and power, yet he chose to be the humble and poor, so that he could feel the way that we do. He cares not about what people think about him, because that doesn't affect what he's going to do.
==========================================
One of my most fave quotes:
"Those who care doesn't matter, while those who matter doesn't care."
==========================================
If this is the standard of what a LEADER should be, you've set the bar really high, Jesus. But I'd rather follow through, closely and tightly, than to work hard to meet anyone else's expectations.
Bucket of Grace
7/6/10 The pastor shared about his story in the past. I still remember he said something like this ....
"Men have a lot of weaknesses, either known or hidden, hurtings, sufferings, could all make them very fragile. During those moments, women have two choices. One is to use Satan's bucket of shame. This could easily break the man down, totally, completely. But women can also choose to pick up God's bucket of grace, and pour it over men. With prayer and support, walk with them."
This somehow touched my heart. And on that day, I made a prayer and said 'God, if possible, I pray for the heart that could understand men's weaknesses and to be the woman who can always pour over them the bucket of grace.'
Now that I'm standing in the world, looking at all the guy-friends that I know and used to know, please, may my prayer remains.
"Men have a lot of weaknesses, either known or hidden, hurtings, sufferings, could all make them very fragile. During those moments, women have two choices. One is to use Satan's bucket of shame. This could easily break the man down, totally, completely. But women can also choose to pick up God's bucket of grace, and pour it over men. With prayer and support, walk with them."
This somehow touched my heart. And on that day, I made a prayer and said 'God, if possible, I pray for the heart that could understand men's weaknesses and to be the woman who can always pour over them the bucket of grace.'
Now that I'm standing in the world, looking at all the guy-friends that I know and used to know, please, may my prayer remains.
Little Miss Scatterbrain
This is me.
Forgetful, unorganized, -> scatterbrain.
If you truly know me, and still love me AS WHO I AM,
Thank you.
Birthday itself is a gift
Good day, good week. Birthday upcoming, even though the significance gradually decrease with the increase of age.... haha
My sister always have a wishlist. I actually like how she's clear about what she wants for her birthday, and it saves me time to think about what to get her. A lot of the times, I think I do have a wishlist too... well everyone has things that they want, right? It depends on whether you think it's something that you want to have someone get it for you, or to get it yourself. I'm the later one. I keep the list to myself, not because I don't want to get things from people, but I enjoy the moment to wait and anticipate. I want to know if there'd be a person who can read my mind. Haha yes very lame. But I always believe, if there's such a person, who can understand and get me what I need/ like/ want, that person him/herself is a much greater gift than anything else.
I also love to see, without being asked, what people would get me. I think this implies what they think I like, or even what kind of person they think I am. It's interesting :) really really interesting. Sometimes it includes expectations too. An old nice aunt from church gave me a book, coz she thinks this would change my life as how it has changed hers. Another sister got me candle because she wants me to keep shining lights in the world. Some people instead give what they like, and hoping that you'd like it too. I've got incense, accessories, crystals or simply a hand-written card... And by looking at the gifts, I have a better idea what to get them when it's their birthdays.
Handmade product always move my heart. Simple, non-commercialized. The time taken and the effort is worth more a hundred millions, my dear little cousin, has been making me birthday gift since kindergarten, and now that she's F.1, she still does. Love her!
And most of the times, a message, a quick call, is already the best gifts. Because at least, in this particular one day of the year, you remember me, as one good friend. Nothing more than that is more important. :)
My sister always have a wishlist. I actually like how she's clear about what she wants for her birthday, and it saves me time to think about what to get her. A lot of the times, I think I do have a wishlist too... well everyone has things that they want, right? It depends on whether you think it's something that you want to have someone get it for you, or to get it yourself. I'm the later one. I keep the list to myself, not because I don't want to get things from people, but I enjoy the moment to wait and anticipate. I want to know if there'd be a person who can read my mind. Haha yes very lame. But I always believe, if there's such a person, who can understand and get me what I need/ like/ want, that person him/herself is a much greater gift than anything else.
I also love to see, without being asked, what people would get me. I think this implies what they think I like, or even what kind of person they think I am. It's interesting :) really really interesting. Sometimes it includes expectations too. An old nice aunt from church gave me a book, coz she thinks this would change my life as how it has changed hers. Another sister got me candle because she wants me to keep shining lights in the world. Some people instead give what they like, and hoping that you'd like it too. I've got incense, accessories, crystals or simply a hand-written card... And by looking at the gifts, I have a better idea what to get them when it's their birthdays.
Handmade product always move my heart. Simple, non-commercialized. The time taken and the effort is worth more a hundred millions, my dear little cousin, has been making me birthday gift since kindergarten, and now that she's F.1, she still does. Love her!
And most of the times, a message, a quick call, is already the best gifts. Because at least, in this particular one day of the year, you remember me, as one good friend. Nothing more than that is more important. :)
2nd Visit to Sendai, Japan.
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Until it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
- Regina Spektor, The Call
Music of the Night
This is my favorite scene, and my favorite thing to do is to watch the cars moving along the highway. I could sit still by my window all night, watching this. Call this my weird habit. I love to see glimpses of lights shining in the darkness. I love to ponder on where the road would lead to after the twists and turns. I love the movement, cars flowing by swiftly like streams of running water. I love the sound of the speed, cutting through the mask of tranquility. This is like another kind of music that calms me down and clears out noises in me.
My New Year Goal: A.R.R - Approachable, Responsive, Responsible
I still believe God has brought me back to Hong Kong for a reason. I never dig deep to ask God WHY, but somehow I think He has put the answer in my heart. And it's the six-letter-word, P-E-O-P-L-E.
People around me and people whom I love. People I know and people I yet to know. Ever since I came back, I can feel their weight grows, for some physically too maybe haha, but for all, yes their weight grows - in my life. I may not call them up, I may not date them out, I may not even reply messages, or put things in words but when I think about a person, I make a little prayer and thank God for bringing them into my life. But now something started to change. I feel like God is trying to move that part of me, to put love in actions. Now when I think about a friend, what I want to do is to GO TO THEM.
It's hard. It really is. Especially when living in a city like Hong Kong. There's something that everyone's short of, called T-I-M-E. I need no movie, need no sing k, shops or alcohol. I just want to sit down and listen to how everyone has been doing, what's going on in their lives. Coz for the past 4 years, guess I have never been able to do this. But time is one buzzy bossy old dude, which never works well with me. To make it worse, I always have problems with 'Scheduling'. Like this wednesday, Day after tomorrow, New Year's Eve and Feb 2, okay 4 unique days. And BANG, crash.
Tons of plans, little time. What one wants to do and what one could do never makes an equal sign. Work getting hard, life getting tough, plans not working through, but I'm getting there. Not surrendering yet. Still want to break the ice, and invade comfort zones. Hong Kong people needs more intimacy, and some real fellowships.
So help me keep the heart, and bring it on.
People around me and people whom I love. People I know and people I yet to know. Ever since I came back, I can feel their weight grows, for some physically too maybe haha, but for all, yes their weight grows - in my life. I may not call them up, I may not date them out, I may not even reply messages, or put things in words but when I think about a person, I make a little prayer and thank God for bringing them into my life. But now something started to change. I feel like God is trying to move that part of me, to put love in actions. Now when I think about a friend, what I want to do is to GO TO THEM.
It's hard. It really is. Especially when living in a city like Hong Kong. There's something that everyone's short of, called T-I-M-E. I need no movie, need no sing k, shops or alcohol. I just want to sit down and listen to how everyone has been doing, what's going on in their lives. Coz for the past 4 years, guess I have never been able to do this. But time is one buzzy bossy old dude, which never works well with me. To make it worse, I always have problems with 'Scheduling'. Like this wednesday, Day after tomorrow, New Year's Eve and Feb 2, okay 4 unique days. And BANG, crash.Tons of plans, little time. What one wants to do and what one could do never makes an equal sign. Work getting hard, life getting tough, plans not working through, but I'm getting there. Not surrendering yet. Still want to break the ice, and invade comfort zones. Hong Kong people needs more intimacy, and some real fellowships.
So help me keep the heart, and bring it on.
My rest day
Quieting down myself, sitting down with god , praying and meditating. Since weekend, while I was worshiping, I heard god once again and again told me that how much he misses my worship, that heart that nothing can compare. Last night's conference, there wasn't much solid stuff that I need to digest, but some words remained in my mind that I don't quite know how to deal with.
Sore throat this morning, decided to take an 'I' day and rest, in body and in spirit. Alone in the prayer room I found my heart restless. Too much of this and that and this and that of little things that I'm mindful of. And for the past few months, I have been seeing god from a distance. Not like I'm far far away, not like I'm experiencing tough times or in my lows... But I cannot find that intimacy, the very very close relationship, the togetherness. What have I done? Nothing.
And then the words came to me again, 'delight','inside', 'no separation','living water'. What does that mean god , how can I stay inside, and what do I have to do to get back in. The answer seems to be... To do nothing. What about play some worship, read some words, do sone prayers, or make some quiet time? No no no no no, you said. Do nothing. What the heck, then how can I go back to inside... At least spending more time with you yea? No, do nothing, you said, stay in my delight. Yes, delight.
Leaving the prayer room, I'm still confused. God, do you mean you want me to blahblahblah?
No.
... aaaaalright,
sinking in.
Sore throat this morning, decided to take an 'I' day and rest, in body and in spirit. Alone in the prayer room I found my heart restless. Too much of this and that and this and that of little things that I'm mindful of. And for the past few months, I have been seeing god from a distance. Not like I'm far far away, not like I'm experiencing tough times or in my lows... But I cannot find that intimacy, the very very close relationship, the togetherness. What have I done? Nothing.
And then the words came to me again, 'delight','inside', 'no separation','living water'. What does that mean god , how can I stay inside, and what do I have to do to get back in. The answer seems to be... To do nothing. What about play some worship, read some words, do sone prayers, or make some quiet time? No no no no no, you said. Do nothing. What the heck, then how can I go back to inside... At least spending more time with you yea? No, do nothing, you said, stay in my delight. Yes, delight.
Leaving the prayer room, I'm still confused. God, do you mean you want me to blahblahblah?
No.
... aaaaalright,
sinking in.
This is not it.
There's this one God, whom I love.
There's this one God, whom I call Abba Father.
There's this one God, whom I hold onto.
Even though,
Sometimes,
I'm forgetful,
Even though,
Sometimes,
I even think it's this one God who's being forgetful,
He never forget,
never ever,
forget what he has promised me.
2 years time, He fulfilled his promise.
He led to my promised land.
Occasionally, when my forgetfulness comes,
I thought I got there by luck,
Truth reminds me that's not true.
2 people, 1 piece of news,
Assure me that,
I was thinking too much.
There's nothing called luck.
4 years over, I'm still waiting,
for the other promised day to come.
Have you forgotten, God?
Was I mistaken, God?
Faith reminds me that's not true.
This is not it.
There's this one God, whom I call Abba Father.
There's this one God, whom I hold onto.
Even though,
Sometimes,
I'm forgetful,
Even though,
Sometimes,
I even think it's this one God who's being forgetful,
He never forget,
never ever,
forget what he has promised me.
2 years time, He fulfilled his promise.
He led to my promised land.
Occasionally, when my forgetfulness comes,
I thought I got there by luck,
Truth reminds me that's not true.
2 people, 1 piece of news,
Assure me that,
I was thinking too much.
There's nothing called luck.
4 years over, I'm still waiting,
for the other promised day to come.
Have you forgotten, God?
Was I mistaken, God?
Faith reminds me that's not true.
This is not it.
The Homeless
Can they see the light? Guess not. Can't you see the people? Get low.
20101119 @ Yau Ma Tei, Hong Kong
2330 Central
It's almost midnight, dark but still a lot of people around the area.
The light spotted an old lady, knees on the ground, leaning forward with her toes supporting the weight of her body, begging for a dollar or two. The grey and whiteness of hair tells the age of her life. Something unfortunate might have happened to her, yet nobody can tell. Some people offered money to help, some offered sympathy. Some may not feel a thing, and some may even feel angry.
What I'm feeling... I do not know. What I should offer... I have no idea.
But the scene was stuck in my mind. For a long while, and till I reach home, I still can't get rid of it. The thing that have stirred my heart before, it's still there. My heart was moved, in a sense that I know something is not right. Too much darkness in this world, crying out for changes to be made.
The light spotted an old lady, knees on the ground, leaning forward with her toes supporting the weight of her body, begging for a dollar or two. The grey and whiteness of hair tells the age of her life. Something unfortunate might have happened to her, yet nobody can tell. Some people offered money to help, some offered sympathy. Some may not feel a thing, and some may even feel angry.
What I'm feeling... I do not know. What I should offer... I have no idea.
But the scene was stuck in my mind. For a long while, and till I reach home, I still can't get rid of it. The thing that have stirred my heart before, it's still there. My heart was moved, in a sense that I know something is not right. Too much darkness in this world, crying out for changes to be made.
Something unasked, yet better than asked - Job Search. Life Search
I'm gonna write a story, more than that, a testimony. It's long, but please bare with me.
March 2009
'Summer 2008, I responded to the calling of God to choose Finance as my major field of study. If you have known me good enough, you will know that I do not like working for OR about stock and money. I've had an uncle who failed in the stock market and lost both his money and his family. To me, he basically lost life.
I have always believed that the stock market is for the greedy people. However, the Bible told us that money is never a curse to us. It is supposed to be a gift from God as long as we manage it properly. Therefore, I decided to take Finance. I want to be a good servant of God who is able to turn the curse back into a blessing.
As you all know, soon after I made the decision, there it came the financial crisis. With no doubt, the finance field became the most unfavorable career. Many financial professionals were laid off.
Sometimes I’d ask God, “What is the plan that you have for me?” '
-excerpt from 'My testimony @ Sendai, Japan 09'
March 2009
I was praying beside a lake in a retreat. I thought I had much faith, but I realized that I didn't. I was so screwed. I couldn't see the plan that God has for me.
‘There's a longing in my life...
is to reach out for your heart.
What people think about me,
What is lying ahead of me,
I don't care, I'm here for you.
is to reach out for your heart.
What people think about me,
What is lying ahead of me,
I don't care, I'm here for you.
Grab me in your arms, let me feel your warmth,
Capture my heart, make it all for you,
I might be slow, I might stagger,
I might even stumble and fall,
Keep me in your way, keep me with you. '
Capture my heart, make it all for you,
I might be slow, I might stagger,
I might even stumble and fall,
Keep me in your way, keep me with you. '
- Retreat 2009 Lakeside Journal
God responded with this verse:
'The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of your God stands forever.' Isaiah 40:8
'The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of your God stands forever.' Isaiah 40:8
I ended up crying like no other.
Sept 2009
Thomson Reuters Internship Interview
'I really really want it. I want it so bad that I got super nervous and crazy. I was overwhelmed when Chastity called to arrange for an interview.
God you sure know what I desire, and I just wanna give them all to you.
God you sure know what I desire, and I just wanna give them all to you.
"But if not, you love me.
But if not, I'm with you. "
But if not, I'm with you. "
BUT IF NOT. '
And I got rejected.
October 14, 2009
‘I’d rather look into things that I like and give the rest to God, than to look into things that I can handle but don’t really like. And even if I get nothing in the end, I’ll embrace the process.’ - Facebook to Sis.
October 26, 2009
Bloomberg NY - Interview
‘I can’t do it, I can’t do it. I feel so weak and useless when I’m losing myself once again and again in front of those recruiters.
Jesus, where are you when I don’t have an answer to all those questions? Where are you when Satan tried to mock me and take hold of me? Were you here when I was weak? Were you here when I fell?
I don’t have the strength to walk on. I don’t have the wisdom required in this field. I don’t have the ambition in achieving success. I’m so not for this.’
November 3, 2009
Bloomberg NY - Rejected
‘Jesus, I’m through. I can’t take it anymore. Where am I heading to? What am I supposed to do? The “What do you want from me?” question keeps popping up in my mind. Seriously, what do you expect of me? What’s your heart for me?’
At the end of year 2009, something took my fear away. Something transformed my heart. THAT IS LOVE. On a piece of paper I wrote: 如果讓我祈求，我不敢要你的應許立刻成就， 但我祈求讓我繼續走下去的勇氣。(If I am to ask, I dare not ask You to fulfill Your promise right now, but I ask for the courage to walk on.)
Please refer to : FROM 2009 TO 2010
Please refer to : FROM 2009 TO 2010
February 7, 2010
Another Interview, Another Rejection
‘ I will go before you and will level the mountains, I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasured of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.’ Isaiah 45:2-3 - Before the interview
‘God rejected by Global eProcure, yet I didn’t feel as bad this time, coz your hand is upholding me. At least... I was able to BE MYSELF in the interview. I’m happy. :) I don’t know what’s next, blanky blanky. Thank you Jesus, for I know, even so, I’m still walking in my destiny. Take my hand, and lead me on.’
March 16, 2010
Got invited to Bloomberg New York interview AGAIN. Same office, same position. It’s really rare for a company to interview the same person for the same position two times within a few months. I couldn’t help wonder and ask, God, what’s going on?
‘No matter how strong the Philistines are, all I need is your presence.’
March 18, 2010
Bloomberg NY - 1st round interview for the 2nd time
‘I didn’t ace the interview, but I did better again!’ :) I’m amazed by you LORD. All the questions hit right onto what Sadiya helped me prepare last night.’
March 26, 2010
Bloomberg NY - 2nd Rejection
‘Surprisingly, I didn’t feel as bad. I don’t understand what all these are for, but the way things were planned assured me that God does have a purpose for it to happen this way.
Hm... God, you are CREATIVE.’
June 26, 2010
Bloomberg HK - Phone interview
‘To be frank, my heart struggled. To some point I even asked God, why. Why Bloomberg again?’
I didn’t remember applying for Bloomberg Hong Kong, seriously. I guess I was too keen on getting the job while I was applying for Bloomberg NY and somehow I submitted resume to the HK office as well.
‘Lord, you know my heart. I want to stay... But guess what? Jesus, if going back is what you want me to do, I’ll surrender myself to you. For if I could go to NY but you are not with me, what’s the point of being there?’
July 15, 2010
Still no response from Bloomberg.
‘I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.‘ Ecclesiastes 9:11
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.‘ Ecclesiastes 9:11
August 3, 2010
Bloomberg HK - Skype interview + Offer
It took almost 3 hours. It was crazzzzzzzzy. But I got the offered, right away. Looking back, for all the technical question, I wouldn't have know the answer if I haven't taken CFA. For all the situational question, I wouldn't have been quick enough to react if I haven't gone through all those bad interviews experiences. And I wouldn't have been able to skipped the intensive group interview if I weren't in the states.
Now I know, if every single step on the path was not placed by God in such a way, I wouldn’t have come to this final step.
So this, is my testimony,
for now. :) Praise to the Lord.