Under Your Smile, Look Back Not

Sometimes we repeatedly do the same thing, because we have experienced God that way, and we did it again and hope God react the way we expected. BUT God is more creative than we are. We limit ourselves with our past experiences, we live by our own strength, we tried to take the lead. ALL FAILED. Because he's a god who do new things.

Same place, same people, maybe same heart, maybe not.
Matter not, yet, time has passed, life changed, life went on.
Look around, look up, look forward, but DON'T LOOK BACK.
The best is yet to come.



"Could I sit for a while under Your smile and not say a word
‘Cause the cry of my heart is to be set apart and I know You’ve heard
I don’t want to be anywhere else but by Your side
I don’t want to be anything less than pure in Your eyes..."
-Merchant Band

2011-> 2012

2011 hasn't been a good year for me. A lot has happened to my closest friends. People around me all went through tough times, yet I wasn't able to help them a bit, coz myself was also barely surviving.

Someone asked me about my achievement in 2012. I'd definitely say becoming a TL in 2011 is my achievement. I'm not talking about career sense, but to choose to walk this path with Jesus was the achievement that I've made. I still remember crying to God, thinking I don't have what it takes, and too fearful or going out of my comfort zone. But the decision to follow Jesus, and give him my hands, I've experienced his guidance once again. Yet 'WORK' itself somehow became my another burden. My calling, turned into my burden, which was also the thing that dragged me down.

2011, I was also about to give up something that I've been praying for years. Yet someone spoke to me with affirmation. At this point of time, I really don't know what I should do. Unwillingly I'm bringing this frustration into 2012, but I pressed on praying for the revelation of your heart, Lord.

2012, still a lot more to come. Speak to me, before I say any more.

Almost but not yet...

Faith is trust in the Lord, Though my eyes cannot see.
Put my trust in the Cross, Know my life is in Him...  

I stil remember in the beginning of the year, when I first started to plan my career to be a Team Leader, everything felt so far away and remote. No matter how many times I was told, "There will be opportunities and you definitely have the potential....blahblahblah" It just seemed like something "Good to try, but not a must" to me.

Not until when Angel got pregnant, and that I had to play the Deputy role, I then got a little taste of what a Team Leader does - hm yea, not bad.

June - mid year, however, this was exactly what I wrote in my journal :

"After all these summit, Business plans, meetings with managers, trainings... I started to doubt whether I still like all these work. It's a bit tiring. But coming to a point - Ven, are you doing this all for yourself? And why would I want to be one?
-> Motivate people,
help develop a person's career
look into people's need, strength, weakness
able to accept that, and speak with love.
*IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE* "

So I held on, and unto what I believe. I told you I didn't have the passion, You gave me the passion; I told you I didn't have the intelligence, You shed light in every single decision that I made; I told You I didn't know where to go, You guided me in every single step that I took...

And now we finally get there, almost. Fear has overwhelmed me that I have lost the confidence to walk on.  Caring too much about what people think has always hindered me from doing the right thing. And Angel use to be my go-to person, my confirmation. Now the fact that she's leaving forces me to be on my own. Do I have what it takes? I honestly don't know. But Lord, could you be THE MENTOR that I need, and bring me beyond?

TFC - The Father's Church

The Church I want isn't built upon the World,
The Church I want goes into the World.
When my people get humble, when they fall on their knees,
My church will then be built.

The Church I want is the Word and Power church,
The Church I want has no walls around.
It's not you who have loved me, It's not what you have done,
I love, because I am love.

I am One God, and I am the only one.
I want one church, I want you to be ONE.

If in unity we sing, with one heart one mind one soul,
together we give praises to our King.
In unity we pray that Your love and peace remains,
Revival shall begin right here right now.

The Father's Church by Venora Wong

Who's the Leader?

The best ever leader in the world was here 2000 years ago. People followed him because they LIKED him. He handles objection in a perfect manner, but never let go of the truth.

He had the authority and power, yet he chose to be the humble and poor, so that he could feel the way that we do. He cares not about what people think about him, because that doesn't affect what he's going to do.

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One of my most fave quotes:
"Those who care doesn't matter, while those who matter doesn't care."

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If this is the standard of what a LEADER should be, you've set the bar really high, Jesus. But I'd rather follow through, closely and tightly, than to work hard to meet anyone else's expectations.

Bucket of Grace

7/6/10 The pastor shared about his story in the past. I still remember he said something like this ....
"Men have a lot of weaknesses, either known or hidden, hurtings, sufferings, could all make them very fragile. During those moments, women have two choices. One is to use Satan's bucket of shame. This could easily break the man down, totally, completely. But women can also choose to pick up God's bucket of grace, and pour it over men. With prayer and support, walk with them."

This somehow touched my heart. And on that day, I made a prayer and said 'God, if possible, I pray for the heart that could understand men's weaknesses and to be the woman who can always pour over them the bucket of grace.'


Now that I'm standing in the world, looking at all the guy-friends that I know and used to know, please, may my prayer remains.

Little Miss Scatterbrain

        

This is me. 

Forgetful, unorganized, -> scatterbrain. 

If you truly know me, and still love me AS WHO I AM,

Thank you.