2nd Visit to Sendai, Japan.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Until it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

- Regina Spektor, The Call

Music of the Night

This is my favorite scene, and my favorite thing to do is to watch the cars moving along the highway. I could sit still by my window all night, watching this. Call this my weird habit. I love to see glimpses of lights shining in the darkness. I love to ponder on where the road would lead to after the twists and turns. I love the movement, cars flowing by swiftly like streams of running water. I love the sound of the speed, cutting through the mask of tranquility. This is like another kind of music that calms me down and clears out noises in me. 

My New Year Goal: A.R.R - Approachable, Responsive, Responsible

I still believe God has brought me back to Hong Kong for a reason. I never dig deep to ask God WHY, but somehow I think He has put the answer in my heart. And it's the six-letter-word, P-E-O-P-L-E.

People around me and people whom I love. People I know and people I yet to know. Ever since I came back, I can feel their weight grows, for some physically too maybe haha, but for all, yes their weight grows - in my life. I may not call them up, I may not date them out, I may not even reply messages, or put things in words but when I think about a person, I make a little prayer and thank God for bringing them into my life. But now something started to change.  I feel like God is trying to move that part of me, to put love in actions. Now when I think about a friend, what I want to do is to GO TO THEM.

It's hard. It really is. Especially when living in a city like Hong Kong. There's something that everyone's short of, called T-I-M-E. I need no movie, need no sing k, shops or alcohol. I just want to sit down and listen to how everyone has been doing, what's going on in their lives. Coz for the past 4 years, guess I have never been able to do this. But time is one buzzy bossy old dude, which never works well with me. To make it worse, I always have problems with 'Scheduling'. Like this wednesday, Day after tomorrow, New Year's Eve and Feb 2, okay 4 unique days. And BANG, crash.

Tons of plans, little time. What one wants to do and what one could do never makes an equal sign. Work getting hard, life getting tough, plans not working through, but I'm getting there. Not surrendering yet. Still want to break the ice, and invade comfort zones. Hong Kong people needs more intimacy, and some real fellowships.  

So help me keep the heart, and bring it on.

My rest day

Quieting down myself, sitting down with god , praying and meditating. Since weekend, while I was worshiping, I heard god once again and again told me that how much he misses my worship, that heart that nothing can compare. Last night's conference, there wasn't much solid stuff that I need to digest, but some words remained in my mind that I don't quite know how to deal with.
Sore throat this morning, decided to take an 'I' day and rest, in body and in spirit. Alone in the prayer room I found my heart restless. Too much of this and that and this and that of little things that I'm mindful of. And for the past few months, I have been seeing god from a distance. Not like I'm far far away, not like I'm experiencing tough times or in my lows... But I cannot find that intimacy, the very very close relationship, the togetherness. What have I done? Nothing.
And then the words came to me again, 'delight','inside', 'no separation','living water'. What does that mean god , how can I stay inside, and what do I have to do to get back in. The answer seems to be... To do nothing. What about play some worship, read some words, do sone prayers, or make some quiet time? No no no no no, you said. Do nothing. What the heck, then how can I go back to inside... At least spending more time with you yea? No, do nothing, you said, stay in my delight. Yes, delight.


Leaving the prayer room, I'm still confused. God, do you mean you want me to blahblahblah?
No.

... aaaaalright,
sinking in.

This is not it.

There's this one God, whom I love.
There's this one God, whom I call Abba Father.
There's this one God, whom I hold onto.

Even though,
Sometimes,
I'm forgetful,

Even though,
Sometimes,
I even think it's this one God who's being forgetful,

He never forget,
never ever,
forget what he has promised me.

2 years time, He fulfilled his promise.
He led to my promised land.

Occasionally, when my forgetfulness comes,
I thought I got there by luck,
Truth reminds me that's not true.

2 people, 1 piece of news,
Assure me that,
I was thinking too much.

There's nothing called luck.

4 years over, I'm still waiting,
for the other promised day to come.
Have you forgotten, God?
Was I mistaken, God?

Faith reminds me that's not true.
This is not it.

The Homeless

Can they see the light? Guess not. Can't you see the people? Get low.

20101119 @ Yau Ma Tei, Hong Kong

2330 Central

It's almost midnight, dark but still a lot of people around the area.
The light spotted an old lady, knees on the ground, leaning forward with her toes supporting the weight of her body, begging for a dollar or two. The grey and whiteness of hair tells the age of her life. Something unfortunate might have happened to her, yet nobody can tell. Some people offered money to help, some offered sympathy. Some may not feel a thing, and some may even feel angry.

What I'm feeling... I do not know. What I should offer... I have no idea.
But the scene was stuck in my mind. For a long while, and till I reach home, I still can't get rid of it. The thing that have stirred my heart before, it's still there. My heart was moved, in a sense that I know something is not right. Too much darkness in this world, crying out for changes to be made.