是 . 非. 是 . 非.
活在是非之中的人，遊走於對與錯中間。
或是或非， 撲朔迷離,
誰可認清當中的
人與事， 物與情。
About Me
Fight the good fight
All my rep life I have never fought for myself. Either I'm lucky, or my Team Leader had fought for me behind the scene. However, for the longest while she's on leave, I felt like there seems to be a spotlight on me, out from nowhere.
I've always thought this is what it's supposed to be, but later I found this may not always be the case, when it comes to... me having to fight for my people. I have no idea how to fight.
Many nights, I went home feeling regretful - why didn't I fight a little bit harder; why didn't I do this; why couldn't I say that; why was I fearful; and what was I expecting... To the extent that I love them and care about them, I blamed myself of not being a good enough leader for them. I wanted them to be recognized without having to fight, yet again my hope failed.
Maybe I really wasn't a good enough leader. Yet at all cost I still want to be able to grow people, develop sounding minds, not machines that crushes number, but real leaders with a vision.
At Your feet, I offer this team, take them on please, even better than how you've led me.
Home Sweet Home
The TV was playing a show about the homeless. Heavily I felt my heart sank. Men without homes, men without love, men without dignity. But our government failed to save. Money can't save, Orgs can't save, even churches can't save. Our city is in desperation. The people needs no finance, no volunteers, no media nor one-off visits. Our city needs - TRANSFORMATION.
Yet what can WE say, and what can WE do. When the rich is getting richer, and the poor getting poorer; the rich can't find peace at home, and the poor can't find a place called home. Please then look up to the sky, do not give up your Hope - say to yourself, this is not the end. Pray to the Father who loves, pray to the Savior who gives, and pray to the Spirit who is merciful. The heavenly gate is open, the heavenly homes are reserved, for the men whom He loves. We need no skyscrapers, we need no luxury houses, the sweetest homes are found in the presence of Peace. PUSH- Pray Until Something Happen.
Yet what can WE say, and what can WE do. When the rich is getting richer, and the poor getting poorer; the rich can't find peace at home, and the poor can't find a place called home. Please then look up to the sky, do not give up your Hope - say to yourself, this is not the end. Pray to the Father who loves, pray to the Savior who gives, and pray to the Spirit who is merciful. The heavenly gate is open, the heavenly homes are reserved, for the men whom He loves. We need no skyscrapers, we need no luxury houses, the sweetest homes are found in the presence of Peace. PUSH- Pray Until Something Happen.
Yau Ma Tei, 2010"
Calling VS Walking
Calling and Walking are the two sides of a balance.
Calling is the intention of God for you, while Walking is the response from you.
For the past 6 months I've been struggling to walk in my calling... finding myself helplessly weak in my daily work, barely surviving in the water, I couldn't imagine what it's like to walk ON water. And it seems to me - my calling itself (my work) is pulling me down. WHY?
This message shed light to my situation, brought to me a sudden realization. I thought being called is all I need, but the intention to walk with God is the next step I missed. I failed, because I took the calling, and tried to walk it on my own. Now would you help me give the calling back to you, God...
Calling is the intention of God for you, while Walking is the response from you.
For the past 6 months I've been struggling to walk in my calling... finding myself helplessly weak in my daily work, barely surviving in the water, I couldn't imagine what it's like to walk ON water. And it seems to me - my calling itself (my work) is pulling me down. WHY?
This message shed light to my situation, brought to me a sudden realization. I thought being called is all I need, but the intention to walk with God is the next step I missed. I failed, because I took the calling, and tried to walk it on my own. Now would you help me give the calling back to you, God...
Photo Credit: Colin Harris
Give the calling back to the God who's called you.
Hold onto the calling not, hold onto the Almighty God.
Under Your Smile, Look Back Not
Sometimes we repeatedly do the same thing, because we have experienced God that way, and we did it again and hope God react the way we expected. BUT God is more creative than we are. We limit ourselves with our past experiences, we live by our own strength, we tried to take the lead. ALL FAILED. Because he's a god who do new things.
Same place, same people, maybe same heart, maybe not.
Matter not, yet, time has passed, life changed, life went on.
Look around, look up, look forward, but DON'T LOOK BACK.
The best is yet to come.
"Could I sit for a while under Your smile and not say a word
‘Cause the cry of my heart is to be set apart and I know You’ve heard
I don’t want to be anywhere else but by Your side
I don’t want to be anything less than pure in Your eyes..."
-Merchant Band
2011-> 2012
2011 hasn't been a good year for me. A lot has happened to my closest friends. People around me all went through tough times, yet I wasn't able to help them a bit, coz myself was also barely surviving.
Someone asked me about my achievement in 2012. I'd definitely say becoming a TL in 2011 is my achievement. I'm not talking about career sense, but to choose to walk this path with Jesus was the achievement that I've made. I still remember crying to God, thinking I don't have what it takes, and too fearful or going out of my comfort zone. But the decision to follow Jesus, and give him my hands, I've experienced his guidance once again. Yet 'WORK' itself somehow became my another burden. My calling, turned into my burden, which was also the thing that dragged me down.
2011, I was also about to give up something that I've been praying for years. Yet someone spoke to me with affirmation. At this point of time, I really don't know what I should do. Unwillingly I'm bringing this frustration into 2012, but I pressed on praying for the revelation of your heart, Lord.
2012, still a lot more to come. Speak to me, before I say any more.
Someone asked me about my achievement in 2012. I'd definitely say becoming a TL in 2011 is my achievement. I'm not talking about career sense, but to choose to walk this path with Jesus was the achievement that I've made. I still remember crying to God, thinking I don't have what it takes, and too fearful or going out of my comfort zone. But the decision to follow Jesus, and give him my hands, I've experienced his guidance once again. Yet 'WORK' itself somehow became my another burden. My calling, turned into my burden, which was also the thing that dragged me down.
2011, I was also about to give up something that I've been praying for years. Yet someone spoke to me with affirmation. At this point of time, I really don't know what I should do. Unwillingly I'm bringing this frustration into 2012, but I pressed on praying for the revelation of your heart, Lord.
2012, still a lot more to come. Speak to me, before I say any more.
Almost but not yet...
Faith is trust in the Lord, Though my eyes cannot see.
Put my trust in the Cross, Know my life is in Him...
I stil remember in the beginning of the year, when I first started to plan my career to be a Team Leader, everything felt so far away and remote. No matter how many times I was told, "There will be opportunities and you definitely have the potential....blahblahblah" It just seemed like something "Good to try, but not a must" to me.
Not until when Angel got pregnant, and that I had to play the Deputy role, I then got a little taste of what a Team Leader does - hm yea, not bad.
June - mid year, however, this was exactly what I wrote in my journal :
"After all these summit, Business plans, meetings with managers, trainings... I started to doubt whether I still like all these work. It's a bit tiring. But coming to a point - Ven, are you doing this all for yourself? And why would I want to be one?
-> Motivate people,
help develop a person's career
look into people's need, strength, weakness
able to accept that, and speak with love.
*IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE* "
So I held on, and unto what I believe. I told you I didn't have the passion, You gave me the passion; I told you I didn't have the intelligence, You shed light in every single decision that I made; I told You I didn't know where to go, You guided me in every single step that I took...
And now we finally get there, almost. Fear has overwhelmed me that I have lost the confidence to walk on. Caring too much about what people think has always hindered me from doing the right thing. And Angel use to be my go-to person, my confirmation. Now the fact that she's leaving forces me to be on my own. Do I have what it takes? I honestly don't know. But Lord, could you be THE MENTOR that I need, and bring me beyond?
Put my trust in the Cross, Know my life is in Him...
I stil remember in the beginning of the year, when I first started to plan my career to be a Team Leader, everything felt so far away and remote. No matter how many times I was told, "There will be opportunities and you definitely have the potential....blahblahblah" It just seemed like something "Good to try, but not a must" to me.
Not until when Angel got pregnant, and that I had to play the Deputy role, I then got a little taste of what a Team Leader does - hm yea, not bad.
June - mid year, however, this was exactly what I wrote in my journal :
"After all these summit, Business plans, meetings with managers, trainings... I started to doubt whether I still like all these work. It's a bit tiring. But coming to a point - Ven, are you doing this all for yourself? And why would I want to be one?
-> Motivate people,
help develop a person's career
look into people's need, strength, weakness
able to accept that, and speak with love.
*IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE* "
So I held on, and unto what I believe. I told you I didn't have the passion, You gave me the passion; I told you I didn't have the intelligence, You shed light in every single decision that I made; I told You I didn't know where to go, You guided me in every single step that I took...
And now we finally get there, almost. Fear has overwhelmed me that I have lost the confidence to walk on. Caring too much about what people think has always hindered me from doing the right thing. And Angel use to be my go-to person, my confirmation. Now the fact that she's leaving forces me to be on my own. Do I have what it takes? I honestly don't know. But Lord, could you be THE MENTOR that I need, and bring me beyond?